Friday, September 18, 2009

Harry Joseph, 26 Months Old

Dear Harry,

Above is you wearing your favorite accessory, your "a bike" helmet. You always say "a bike" instead of just "bike" which is quite adorable. And you can spot one at 100 yards. Or on a package of yogurt, or in a magazine, or a billboard. You will be saying "a bike" and by the time we figure out where you saw it, it's gone. They are everywhere. We got you a lovely tricycle for your birthday and you were having none of it. You wanted "a bike". So, after a few weeks, we broke down and got one with training wheels (though I wish we had done a balance bike). You still want all the other kids' bikes (and toys and balls) but you do think your "a bike" is pretty cool.

Speaking of kids, you just LOVE the big kids on the next block. You say "kids" like "geds" and you drag us to the front door saying "Ged! OK!" wanting to walk over and see if they are out playing. The youngest ones on that block are 6 years old and they are all very nice to you, but it proves to me that we need to help you find some friends your own age. You are doing a drop off playgroup for EI and have done well. Tomorrow, we are going to your "Future Classmates" playgroup for the first time. I hope we can get some social outlets going for you. I think you will love going to school. As it is now, you ask for "Goop (group)! Go? Go?" nearly every day.

One of my favorite moments in recent days came from you figuring out the concept of "all gone" or "all GA!" as you say it. You have discovered your pockets lately, after I showed you you could put an acorn in one on one of our walks. You were wearing a hooded sweatshirt with pockets one day that had pants that matched, but had no pockets. We were playing with your piggy bank and you had taken off the sweatshirt when you suddenly got the idea to put the coins in your pocket. You pulled at your shirt and pants looking for a pocket for a moment. Then you looked at me in bewilderment and said, "Pocket all gone!" It was priceless.

On the other side of things, we have had a big adjustment this week with my return to full time hours. This was also my first time having to deal with a long commute during rush hour from our new house. On a good day, it takes 45 minutes. With traffic, 90 minutes. This means that I have to leave home at 6:30 AM, before you wake up. This makes Mommy very sad. I have cried on my way to work every day this week. First, I miss you SOOOO much. Second, I really, really miss you. Third, and I just figured this out today, this is the first time, since switching careers from teaching/playing to library (The playing is on hiatus for now. No time.), that I really felt like I had joined the "rat race". That I had really left the old Bohemian freelance days behind me. That I am the breadwinner. That I work Full Time. Capital F. Capital T. It has been true for a while, but now, having two kids, living in the suburbs, leaving at 6:30 AM every day, it has really sunk in. And it is hard. Harder than I ever imagined. I have always worked and always wanted to work, but I was not prepared for how hard it would be to leave my children. I always assumed I'd just go back to how things were before. Not true. My priorities have shifted, as has my world view. It's staggering, really. I know it will get easier, but I will always, always regret not being able to be home with you more. Especially during these early years.

So, please give Mommy extra special hugs when she comes home every day. I need them just as much as you do. Maybe more.


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