Some Monday Thoughts

I think my cats know that, if they wake me up at any time past 5 AM, I cannot get back to sleep and then I will feed them.

Something about this pregnancy makes it physically impossible for me to get out of the house without something on my clothes.

I feel sad when I leave for work and Harry is still asleep. Sad, and a little jealous.

Leaning over to scrape snow and ice off your windshield, while standing on a slippery driveway, when 5' 4" and very pregnant, is not a fun way to start your commute.

Having a moving truck block your parking spot at work sucks, until you realize that it means you get to take a closer spot. WIN!

Something about this pregnancy makes it physically impossible for me to wait until noon for lunch.

Harry Joseph, Nineteen Months Old

Dear Harry,

Once again, the month has flown by. I was just getting used to you being a year and a half old and here we are a month later. You've spent most of the month working on your indoor soccer skills. You are getting pretty adept at kicking the ball up and down the hall. You run so fast when you do this, it looks like your feet aren't touching the ground.

It's been very cold out and we haven't been able to get out much. The few nice days we've had have been spent stomping in slushy puddles with your boots. It's tough to find things to do when it's cold. Visiting the pet store is is usually good for 30 minutes or so. The grocery store is a regular outing. You love to point out all the food and say "Mmmmm!" We haven't ventured to the library lately. The last couple of times we went, you were not thrilled. It might be time to try again, though.

Speaking of the library, you know the sign for library and do that when I leave for work (if you aren't crying - have I mentioned separation anxiety?). You've been to my library a couple of times lately while Daddy has rehearsal and you have gotten to do a few new things. We visited the instrument library and borrowed a toy percussion instrument that made some great noise. You also got to spend some time playing a real piano. It was funny how you played one finger at a time instead of mashing the keys, like I expected. Mostly, you want to go visit all the rehearsals. It is hard, because you want so much to get down and party once you go in. I have to hold you back, and that is no easy feat! You just get so excited to see live music.

We bought you a "band in a box" last week that has lots of little percussion instruments and you've had a fun time making noise with those. We have even been able to reintroduce your cello a bit. For a while, you were quite rough with it and we had to put it away. You have lots of favorite songs on my/your iPod and have different "words" to request them. It is fun to watch your face light up when the song you've asked for starts.

We are still waiting for you to start talking. You make lots of sounds with the correct pitch and inflection, but you do not have the correct syllables. We know you can understand us, because we have to be careful what we say around you. To see what is going on, we have scheduled an Early Intervention evaluation for this month. We're curious to see what they say. Meanwhile, we love to listen to your silly babbling sounds.

I have a feeling that these next months are going to fly by just as fast. We are getting closer and closer to the birth of your little brother. You have no idea what is coming, but that is probably just as well. You are young enough that you will most likely not remember ever not having a brother. We are going to try to enjoy this time with you as a family of three, before the chaos of life with a newborn sets in. I know it will be rough for all of us, but I know, in time, it will be everything we've hoped for. Until then, just keep up being yourself and bringing us all the joy and sleepless nights we can handle.

Love,
Mama

Can I just say...

That ticker at the bottom of this page is starting to scare the hell out of me. How did this pregnancy get into the last trimester so quickly? I still have days where I feel shocked at the fact that I am even pregnant at all. Then there are the days and weeks where I know that I'm pregnant, but the end result seems like the far and distant future - think flying cars and teleporters. Then, I look at my pregnancy ticker and see that I have 88 (!?) days left.

Don't get me wrong. I am excited and curious to meet this new baby boy (Nathan James, by the way). It's just that I still look at Harry and think he was born yesterday. With that pregnancy, I was able to obsess about every detail, put my feet up and plan ahead. I felt like I was pregnant forever. With this one, I'm running around full speed trying to keep up with life and it is just flying by.

Granted, we are fairly well prepared for what is coming. After all, we just did this two years ago. We have everything we need, we know (for the most part!) what to expect. We are sure to be a bit more relaxed about things this time, but still it's coming at us with the speed of a runaway train.

Some people have told me that the switch from 1 kid to 2 is easier than the switch from 0 to 1, precisely because you know what to expect. You've had the life changing, mind blowing experience that is adding a newborn to your lives and lived to tell the tale - plus make a new one. I hope they are right.

I'm trying, in my slower moments, to imagine the possibilities of an easy going baby this time. One who sleeps! Because, what are the odds that we would have two high-needs, spirited boys in a row? Right? (RIGHT?!) And I'm trying to imagine a birth where the doctors weren't fearing for both of our lives. One where I would get to hold my new boy right away, while he's still warm and nurse him in his first minutes, instead of having him whisked off to the NICU while I'm laying there bleeding, not knowing when I'll see him again. Because that is what a new baby offers: a second chance. A chance for things to be different. Still marvelous, awe inspiring and frightening, but different.

The biggest difference with this baby is that he will have an amazing big brother who can teach him all kinds of things about the world. A big brother that put his parents through parent boot camp and made us work for every victory. Who taught us a million tricks and is sure to teach his brother a million more. I'm sure Harry will have plenty of feelings of jealousy after being our one and only for his whole life. But I can't wait to see the love in Harry's eyes and the adoration that I'm sure Nathan will have for his big brother. I can't wait for our family to be complete. I just wish that life would slow down a little bit so I could enjoy it a little more.