Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Can I just say...

That ticker at the bottom of this page is starting to scare the hell out of me. How did this pregnancy get into the last trimester so quickly? I still have days where I feel shocked at the fact that I am even pregnant at all. Then there are the days and weeks where I know that I'm pregnant, but the end result seems like the far and distant future - think flying cars and teleporters. Then, I look at my pregnancy ticker and see that I have 88 (!?) days left.

Don't get me wrong. I am excited and curious to meet this new baby boy (Nathan James, by the way). It's just that I still look at Harry and think he was born yesterday. With that pregnancy, I was able to obsess about every detail, put my feet up and plan ahead. I felt like I was pregnant forever. With this one, I'm running around full speed trying to keep up with life and it is just flying by.

Granted, we are fairly well prepared for what is coming. After all, we just did this two years ago. We have everything we need, we know (for the most part!) what to expect. We are sure to be a bit more relaxed about things this time, but still it's coming at us with the speed of a runaway train.

Some people have told me that the switch from 1 kid to 2 is easier than the switch from 0 to 1, precisely because you know what to expect. You've had the life changing, mind blowing experience that is adding a newborn to your lives and lived to tell the tale - plus make a new one. I hope they are right.

I'm trying, in my slower moments, to imagine the possibilities of an easy going baby this time. One who sleeps! Because, what are the odds that we would have two high-needs, spirited boys in a row? Right? (RIGHT?!) And I'm trying to imagine a birth where the doctors weren't fearing for both of our lives. One where I would get to hold my new boy right away, while he's still warm and nurse him in his first minutes, instead of having him whisked off to the NICU while I'm laying there bleeding, not knowing when I'll see him again. Because that is what a new baby offers: a second chance. A chance for things to be different. Still marvelous, awe inspiring and frightening, but different.

The biggest difference with this baby is that he will have an amazing big brother who can teach him all kinds of things about the world. A big brother that put his parents through parent boot camp and made us work for every victory. Who taught us a million tricks and is sure to teach his brother a million more. I'm sure Harry will have plenty of feelings of jealousy after being our one and only for his whole life. But I can't wait to see the love in Harry's eyes and the adoration that I'm sure Nathan will have for his big brother. I can't wait for our family to be complete. I just wish that life would slow down a little bit so I could enjoy it a little more.

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