Nathan James, Three Months Old

Dear Nathan,

I cannot believe how the time has flown by! I know I missed posting your letter last month. Forgive your overtired mom. It's hard to keep up with everything going on around here. We've been doing work on the house and I returned to work. Those two things alone have been enough disruption that we can't seem to get into a normal routine yet. I know we'll hit our stride. You are such a "roll with the punches" kind of baby that it doesn't seem to bother you a bit!

The first thing everyone notices about you is that you are HUGE for your age. Really, it is staggering. At your 2 month appointment (at 10 weeks old) you were 15 pounds, 9 ounces and 26 inches long. That is very large, Nate. Like 9-12 month size, large. At three months, you are easily another inch and another pound bigger. You can hold your head up very well and have rolled over a couple of times. All those good milkies are helping you grow big and strong. You make Mama proud!

The other thing everyone notices is how laid back and social you are. You love to "talk" to us all the time and you are very interested in people. You are very content to hang out and observe the goings on around here. You are even starting to laugh real baby laughs. You have your cranky times, but it is usually one of three things: hungry, wet or tired. Oh, and sometimes gassy. You are a champion spitter-upper. Since you don't seem to mind (and you are gaining well) it is more of a laundry problem, as they say. Poor Daddy's shirts are all "blessed" by your milky burps. Good thing the new family room rug is beige.

You are such a sleeper, Nathan James! I know I wrote about it before, and since then you have had a rough patch, which we believe was a growth spurt. But even in your rough patch, you have been easier than we've seen around here on your brother's good days. You still give us a good stretch alone in the crib and then you come to bed with me until morning. You are still able to go to sleep on your own from a drowsy state in different situations. Your naps are all over the place and a bit too cat-like (read: short) but you have done a few long ones, on your own in the crib. We forget that you are still so young - only 13 weeks, really. There is a lot of time for you to pull that together.

We just can't get enough of you, Nate. Even Harry loves to come kiss and rub your head. You are very nice to put up with all of that. It's so sweet to watch you develop your very own personality. You make us smile and laugh. Even when you are attached to me for hours at a time, and I can finally put you down, I'll start missing you a little while later. I love waking up to your happy little face cooing at me in the morning. Your large size reflects the size of your heart. I can tell already at 3 months old. So full of love and joy and so ready to spread it around. Shine on, little man!

Love,
Mama

Mom Knows Breast

August 1-7 is World Breastfeeding Week!

It seems that nursing mothers cannot win. It is widely accepted that breastmilk is the perfect food for babies. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends it. The World Health Organization recommends it. I know, in reality, many women cannot breastfeed for a variety of reasons. I know that many women choose not to breastfeed, for various reasons. It is a great thing that formula exists for those that need it. That is not what I am here to discuss.

As the mom of two breastfed babies, (the oldest self-weaned at 16 months and the youngest is going on 12 weeks) I have been surprised conflicting information and recommendations that I have seen from health professionals. Both my OB and my GP (also my sons' current GP) wanted me to give bottles of formula to the boys for various reasons, the main one being jaundice. Upon further research, it was completely unnecessary. I wish I had been firmer and refused both times. It went against my instincts.

Nathan's bilirubin numbers were high at his first doctor's appointment. His doctor suggested supplementing to flush him out. I thought that formula was harder to digest and would take longer, but since she was the doctor, I did as I was told. (I was right: breastfed babies poop MORE, hence flushing out faster. This was confirmed by a pediatrician in my nursing mother's group, who was appaled at the advice I received.) Giving Nathan the bottle interfered with our nursing during the first 2 weeks. My nipples were torn to shreds due to our difficulty latching. Once we eliminated the bottle, he took to the breast like a champ and I was able to heal. In fact, we had trouble getting him back on the bottle (breastmilk) for my return to work. He's now doing great at the breast and bottle.

Harry nursed SO much, that I was told by many, including his former doctor, that he was too hungry and I couldn't provide enough. I was told that he needed solid food to be satisfied because he was a big baby. I was told it would help him sleep. Everything I read told me otherwise. Infant's digestive systems are not ready to accept solid food until at least 6 months. I held off until 5.5 months, and started with cereal to see if he would take less pumped milk and if it would help him sleep. It did neither and he didn't really like it. I wish I had stuck to my guns. He was gaining and doing fine. We now know that Harry nursed a lot because of sensory issues, not hunger, so my gut was right. Nathan is even bigger than Harry and I've already been asked about starting solids. Ummm, yeah. We're not doing that. First of all, he is HUGE. Doesn't that tell you he's doing well on milk? Second, he's only 12 weeks old! He's nowhere near physically mature enough, despite his size. Third, he sleeps great, so that myth is just that...a MYTH. In fact, this time around, I hope to try Baby-Led Weaning.

I remember Harry's former doctor saying in a condescendingly surprised tone that "I must have good milk" when I told her he was exclusively breastfed at 2 months. Those kind of comments belie the attitude of many healthcare professionals. "Breast is best" but they still pitch to the lowest common denominator. They don't expect you to stick to it. They like formula because it is an exact science and can prescribe exact amounts and combinations. An ambivalent attitude from a doctor can undermine a new mother, especially when her family is not supportive or knowlegable about breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is hard and a new, nursing mom needs support and encouragement from everyone around her. If it turns out that formula is medically necessary, that is all well and good, but it is sad to think of all the mothers who quit because they didn't get the help they needed.

I'm very happy that this time around, Massachusetts has a law to protect breastfeeding moms. Every little bit we can do to make it easier is a step in the right direction. (And for you naysayers who say nursing in public is immodest, you have never seen me - or most women - nurse in public. I show less skin than most teenage girls while nursing.) I'm proud to have provided for Harry while he needed it and am just as proud to do the same for Nathan. With Nate hitting his 3 month growth spurt this week, we will certainly be doing our part to participate in World Breastfeeding Week!

Post-Traumatic Baby Disorder

Anyone who has read this blog, or knows our family, knows that Harry has not been the easiest child in the area of sleep. He was constantly nursing around the clock and would not stay asleep when transferred from arms or car seat. When he did sleep, it had to be in our arms or up against one of us - never in his crib or alone. There was no such thing as "bedtime" because it was just 2-3 hour blocks around the clock. I could never tell anyone how many times he nursed at night because he nursed all night long. When I went back to work, it was even worse. He would suck down all the bottled milk during the day and then nurse 12 hours straight when I got home. There was no "letting him cry" because he wouldn't cry. He would just be awake. If he did get upset, there was no calming him without nursing. For daytime naps, Daddy had to walk for 2 hours at a time, twice a day to keep him asleep. It was very intense.

At age 2, it is still a daily struggle to get him to sleep. We have discovered that it is most likely due to some sensory processing issues (i.e. sensory seeking behavior) and are actively seeking help for him. We hoped as he was able to communicate more it would get easier, but that has been delayed due to his lack of expressive language (most likely due to sensory issues as well). Once he is asleep, however, he is really out and stays asleep for 11-12 hours and will now stay asleep through a transfer from arms or car seat. That is a HUGE leap forward that only happened when he self-weaned at 16 months. The trouble then became getting him to sleep without nursing.

Needless to say, it has been a gigantic source of stress for me and hubby. Every night we wonder what we are facing. Is it going to be a battle? How late will he be up? We tried so many methods of getting him to sleep. Some would work for a while and then suddenly never work again. Some never worked. We don't let him nap because he will be up late and it throws him off for days. Late afternoons are dangerous times to take a drive because he will fall asleep, so we are like prisoners at that time of day. He needs 3 things in order to distract him enough to fall asleep.

1. Physical confinement and/or deep pressure massage
2. Visual stimulation
3. Audio stimulation

Our current strategy is driving him in the car for 10-15 minutes. The car gives him all three things. He even asks to go in the car when he's ready to sleep. Until we get working with an occupational therapist, this is what we will do, unless it stops working.

So, in the midst of all this came Nathan. Oh, Nathan! May this not come back to bite me in the ass, but I never knew such sleep was possible from a child so young! Nathan goes to bed! In his crib! At almost the same time every night! And sleeps 6-8 hours! He then wakes for a feed and sleeps another 3-4 hours with me! And he has put himself to sleep! Without nursing! In fact, he will spit out the boob and just happily drift off! And then! Lets us put him down!

!!!!!!

Nathan is truly healing my wounds. For the first time in two years, we have "bedtime" in the house. We can pretty much count on both boys being sound asleep by 8 PM. I'm still pretty jumpy with the baby monitor, but I'm slowly feeling more relaxed. I was never able to be calm when Harry was asleep because I knew it was a precarious state. It's taken 2 years for him to be solid and then we added a newborn, so I figured I'd be back to square one. But Nate sleeps better at 11 weeks than Harry did at 16 months. I just went back to work (albeit summer hours) and it has not had the same effect on Nathan's sleep like it did for Harry.

I swear this is going to come back to haunt me, but I feel like I've been in survival mode for so long and I'm finally getting some respite. Having even a couple of hours to yourself at the end of the day is such an amazing thing, not to mention long stretches of sleep at night. It's been a long time since I had anything resembling anything like this. I know there will be setbacks that will make me want to tear my hair out and run away from home, but I feel like we are headed in the right direction. If this all goes to hell in the next few months, I'll have to come back and read this and remember the glory days of bedtime.

Monster Baby

First post in a series. Maybe. We'll see.

At 10 weeks, 3 days, Nathan had his 2 month check up. He is 26 inches long and 15 lbs. 9 oz. That is HUGE. On the Carter's size chart that is 9-12 month size. I know he'll slow down eventually, but wow. The milkies are strong with this one.

Harry Can Say...

At 24 months, here's what Harry is up to on the language front.

Real Words (pronunciation in parentheses, if applicable):
Mama
Dada
Go
Up
Yay
Yum
Kick (Git)
Ball (Dee)
Done (Ah Da)
Night-Night (nigh-nigh)
Hi
Bye-Bye
Please (bee or ming)
Baby
Mumu (our cat's name)
Rain (reng on nang)
Cookie (diddy)
No (always said as "no-no-no")
Uh-Oh
Wee
Ahh-choo
Bow (as in cello bow)

Sounds that mean stuff:
Bleah (as in "Gross!!")
Shh (fish)
Buh-Buh (bubbles or bunny)
Brrrr (ice cream, ice, cold or outside)
Prrr (kitty)
oof-oof (doggy)
deet-deet (birdy)
dit, dit, dit (1, 2, 3, counting or numbers)
Ah-ah (monkey or apple, depending on context.)
Sllllurp-ahhh (drink)
Puh-puh (duck - This actual sound is hard to describe. It is more like he opens and closes his lips to make a slight popping sound.)
Sniffs (flower)
Bit-bit (Frog - said in a very low strained voice)
Vroom
Moo (sounds like boo)
Watermelon (Another tough one to describe. It comes out like bulbuhbulbuh, but he is wiggling his tongue back and forth 4 times.)
Banana (similar to Watermelon, but hard to describe)
Toot-toot (imitating trumpet)

Signs (real and made up):
Milk
More
Play
Water (can also mean tub)
Wash
Read/Book
Ball (signs dribbling)
Eat
TV (signs like pressing the remote)
Baseball (swings arms)
Music
Help
Writing/Drawing
Open/Close
Hot
Please
Hurt
Flower
Drums/cymbals/xylophone/piano
Cello/Bass (signs like bowing)
Bike
Hat/helmet (also can mean outside)
Cracker
Light

I know there are more. In fact, as I have typed this he has said more, including 2 new ones (frog and rain). I will add to this as I remember or as he adds to his vocabulary. All of these are on top of the jargoning and babbling that is is doing All. The. Time. So, I guess we have made progress since starting Early Intervention. He still does not imitate new sounds and still has things he has said once and then never said again.

Nathan, at 2 months, already coos conversationally, meaning if you say something, he answers back, almost imitating the pitch. Harry didn't really do that. He gurgled and giggled. I'm curious to see how Nate progresses differently from Harry. It's really fascinating to watch.

Harry Joseph, Twenty-four Months Old

Happy Birthday, Pumpkin Bear!

As I write this, you are (finally) asleep in your room with Brahms 1 on the radio. I am in the family room of our new house, enjoying some Cappuccino Fudge cake (not your birthday cake, but some left over from company this week) and listening simultaneously to the frogs outside and your brother's baby monitor. All is quiet. I hope it lasts.

You had a great day today. French toast with presents for breakfast (baseball PJs and a "Twilight Turtle") with a sport themed table that will stay up until your party this weekend. We went to a music class after that, but you were overwhelmed by the noise and people and spent it covering your ears. We left early and got a nice tea and fruit plate at the cafe before our walk home. After lunch, we went to the park and then came home to play with some friends (bigger boys - your favorite!) in the yard. Then...your tricycle arrived! Daddy built it and took you out for a spin before going to get pizza. After bathtime, you had a birthday cupcake with a "2" candle and watched a bit of "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". Then it was the regular bedtime battle, but I won't dwell on that on your birthday.

For the record, here are some of your favorite things at age 2:

BALL!! BASKETBALL!! BASEBALL!! BOUNCE, BOUNCE, BOUNCE!! BALL!!!
(or DEE! as you still call it)

JUMP!! JUMP!! JUMP!!

RUN!! RUN!! RUN!!

BIKE!! BIKE!! BIKE!!

All caps and a million exclamation points cannot express your enthusiasm. You still don't have many words, but you express yourself with your entire body. Signing by kicking (soccer), swinging your arms (baseball), pretending to dribble (basketball), and waving your hands in circles (bike) with all your might. Running, well, that is self explanatory. You just run off. We are trying to teach you "safe" and "not safe". No real luck with that yet. Meanwhile, we got you a kiddie harness, or "leash" so you can walk and be independent, but be safe. I just ignore the stares. You love it and it's more exercise than the stroller.

You have your tantrum moments, but you are just the happiest little boy I've ever seen. You are very friendly and are quick to try to give hugs to other kids, which is sweet (though not everyone likes that). More than anything, you just want to play with other kids. I hope we can find some groups out here in the suburbs. Early Intervention hasn't kicked in yet, but maybe we can get something going there. We are doing a gymn class once a week and you LOVE that. You are allowed to climb and roll and run and jump. You like to run to the middle of the room and clap, just like the teacher does. You'll be running the class if you keep that up!

You've done so well with the changes we've had around here. First Nate, then the move and then I'm about to go back to work. I'm very nervous about that and also very sad. I miss so much time with you already because I'm tied to Nate by the nursies. I feel like I missed so much time while I was pregnant too. I promise to carve out some Mama-Harry time soon so we can make up for all this. As your brother gets older, we'll all be able to have lots more fun together.

I cannot believe you are two, Harry. So grown up, but still my baby. Always my baby. I can't wait to watch you blossom this year. We've come so far and we have much fun ahead of us. Sleep well, birthday boy.

All my love,
Mama

Voila!

It came to me in a flash, as I knew it would. I needed to give this blog an overhaul with the addition of Thing 2 (i.e. Nate).

I've read a lot of infant sleep literature in the past two years and "Drowsy But Awake" is a term they use in a lot of infant sleep books. They always way to put your baby down when he is "drowsy but awake". With Harry, that was some mythical state. It did not exist. I felt "drowsy but awake" for much of his first year, but he was either AWAKE or ASLEEP. Nothing in between.

Then, Nathan arrived. I have seen him put himself to sleep from a drowsy state with no interaction from anyone. I was amazed. He has his awake, fussy moments (and days) but I have such low expectations when it comes to baby sleep, that anything resembling normal is icing on the cake.

So, the blog will take a different turn. I am cooking up a birthday post for Harry, but I realize I missed both monthly updates this time around. I think we'll just hit the "Reset" button and start fresh with Harry's birthday tomorrow. I'd like to add some posts about homeownership and some musings on music. We'll see if I can keep up. Until then, I remain "drowsy but awake".