Harry Joseph, Eighteen Months Old

Dear Harry,

You are a year and a half old today. How is that possible? I just don't know. You continue to startle and amaze your parents on a daily basis. You understand so much that we already have to spell certain words, like "s-n-a-c-k" and more specifically, "p-o-p-s-i-c-l-e". Daddy and I will be talking to each other, thinking that you are engrossed in what you are doing. I'll mention that I need to preheat the oven and you'll make a beeline for the kitchen and press your face up against the oven window. Impressive.

So, you know that schedule we had going during my Winter Break? (It's detailed in the previous post.) The dream schedule? The one that matched the rhythm of your day and made us all so happy? The one where you knew the routine so well that you were actually following the clock for about 10-14 days? The one that was so easy to get back to after a day off? Yeah, it's done. As soon as I returned to work on January 5, you refused to go to bed early. No more 7 PM bedtime. You have not gone to bed earlier than 8:30 PM (still with no nap!) on any day that I've gone to work. I had a day off due to weather and you went down at 7:30. I was home on the weekend: Saturday was 8:00, Sunday was 7:00 (like our dream schedule). Monday? Back to 8:30.

I will not lie. It really brought me to my knees. You know how they talk about the "Cry it Out" sleep method? I am beginning to think that they mean the parents do the crying. I have shed more tears over your sleeping than you ever have. The thing is, you are sleeping more at night (a couple of mini wake ups, but nothing big) and you are moving towards sleeping alone all night (which is also more about training me than you). Everything is moving in the right direction. Getting you to sleep is just harder then I would like it to be. I was afraid of this when you weaned. That was my ace in the hole: I could always get you to nurse to sleep. It's why I kept doing it. I was afraid we'd never sleep again if you stopped. And then you stopped. We keep trying different things to get you to bed and each one will work a few times, then stop. You keep us on your toes, little one!

But enough about sleep. I know it is your least favorite topic. Let me catalog the things you love at 18 months. You are full of passions, Harry! Here are a few of them:

Old MacDonald in any way shape or form. You love to yell "Eeya Eeya Eeya!" any chance you get.

Books. You love to take our fingers and do "point and say" with your books. You point our fingers, we say what it is we're pointing at. You make lots of sounds while we do this. Some are your versions of words, some we can't figure out. It's fun to watch you "read" to your Pooh bear, pointing and saying "dadoo, dadoo, dadoo."

Balls, or "Deee!" We don't know why you say "dee" for ball, but you have for a long time, no matter how we correct you. You love to play ball, look at pictures of balls, see other people playing ball. It doesn't matter if it's football, basketball, baseball or soccer. It's all "Deee!" and it's all good.

Cooking. I cannot cook while I am home alone with you because you are SO interested in what I'm doing. Christmas day, I was making a roast beef and I put it in the oven while you and Daddy played outside. It smelled pretty good when you came in and I heard you at the bottom of the stairs saying, "mmmMMMmmm!" (You say that a lot!) You ran up to the kitchen and wanted to look in the oven and couldn't wait to see what was cooking. Problem is, you hate to wait for things to cook. It takes too long!

Other passions that have continued are music, dancing, kitties, doggies and playing outside. Too bad the current temperature is 6 degrees. It's hard to get out these days. I long for the Spring and Summer when you can run around the yard playing ball and blowing bubbles. I cannot believe that I will be the lucky mother of two little boys by your birthday this year. I look so forward to seeing you two grow up together and to watching you teach your brother about the world. Maybe he can give you some sleeping lessons, though? I've got my fingers crossed.

All my love,
Mama

A New Day

For three nights in a row this week, Harry did not nap. Each of those nights, he went to sleep between 6:30 and 7:00 PM with no fighting and slept until 6-7 AM the next morning. Yesterday, he seemed tired, so we let him nap for 90 minutes, from 12:15 to 1:45 PM. That should be early enough not to mess with bedtime, right? HA! He didn't go to be until 9:45 PM and was hell on wheels.

Daddy and I have decided: No more naps. We just cannot abide this late night schedule. He gets worked up and overtired and everyone gets cranky and miserable. The only fly in the ointment is that he sleeps really deeply when he goes down late and is a bit restless in his sleep when he goes down early. We'll take that over the late nights, though. My job has an early schedule (8-4) and I have to be in bed early and up early. We are not night people around here.

So today is a new day. Here is our routine model:

Toddler Schedule - No Naps

7:00 - Wake
7:00/7:30 - Breakfast
9:30 - Light snack
12:00 - Lunch
1:00 - Quiet/Rest time (45 minutes to 1 hour)
3:30 - Afternoon Snack
5:30 - Dinner
6:30 - Begin bedtime routine
7:00 - Bedtime

He was up at 6:45 today, so we are on track. Those of you who know me well, know that I thrive on this kind of stuff. I'm sure some of you have guessed by reading this that I probably have made lists of meal/snack ideas and activity ideas for each part of the day. You are correct. I have had enough of this haphazard life being held hostage to an unpredictable sleep schedule. It's really demoralizing to think at the end of every day, "Ugh. Do we have to do battle tonight? Is he going to fight or give in? Can I handle 3-4 hours of trying to get him to bed?" It is especially hard when he gets worked up and energized when I'm home alone. Pregnant Mama can't take much of that.

We are also changing up his going to sleep routine. No more bedtime video. He can have that for quiet time and after his bath, but bedtime will be rocking and books. Plus, I cannot spend 45 minutes wearing him in a baby carrier to get him to sleep. My back cannot take it. He's not going to like any this, but if we are consistent, I hope we can change. We have 5 days until Irving leaves for SF. They will not be easy. Wish us luck!

Harry Joseph, Seventeen Months Old

(Sorry for the late post!)

Dear Harry,

Today almost passed me by without my realizing that you are seventeen months. Time seems like it has either sped up or stood still. I can't tell which. We've all been sick for about a month, off and on. I haven't been "stay-in-bed" sick since before you were born, until this week. It's been rough. You have your usual amount of energy, and it's just Daddy dealing with you. I know he is tired and has a cold too. If you could just slow down a bit, that would be nice. The other day, I was trying to catch a nap and every time I dozed off, you started shrieking as you ran around the house. Happy shrieks, but still, noisy shrieks.

You are such fun to be around, Harry. Everything is exciting to you and you just overflow with joy when you get excited. You've had your first experience playing in the snow, which you thought was delicious. You've gotten into "cooking" and "cleaning" which means a lot of noise and distraction in the kitchen. You are really interested in animals and the sounds you make. You insist that horses say, "moo" no matter what we tell you. It's pretty cute. You love to help yourself to snacks in the kitchen whenever we turn our backs. One of your habits is taking us by the hand and leading us to whatever it is you desire: the refrigerator, the TV, the front door, the computer. You may not say much yet, but you know how to get your point across.

Speaking of words, you have given me the greatest Christmas gift I have ever received. Even better than the 10-speed bike when I was 10 years old. You said "Mama" and gave me a big hug. I know you have been able to say it for many months. You said it at around 8 months and then very infrequently since, and it was rarely specific. It was just part of your babbling on occasion. Now, you say it more each day and you have given it real meaning. I can't think of anything I have ever wanted more. Thank you, sweetie. I hope you are just as happy with your Christmas gifts this year.

Love,
Mama

Night night, nursies.

Dear Harry,

As I write this, you are doing something we never thought possible: You are letting Daddy put you to sleep. Very suddenly, last Tuesday, November 25, 2008, you weaned yourself from breastfeeding. I'm talking cold turkey, man. You have not asked for it since. You have been very sick with an ear infection and I thought maybe you were refusing to nurse because of pain when you lay down. But nursing has always been your comfort. I've been your "binky" for 16 months. It seemed like you would need me more than ever with your first real illness.

On Tuesday, I was putting you to bed. We laid down and put "Charlie Bird" on the iPod, like always. You were fine through at least "Four Funky Fish Play Fiddle" and then you popped off, sat up and leaned against the bed rail. You sighed and rubbed your eyes. I knew your ear was hurting you, so I sat up and said "Come to Mama." You came and put your head on my shoulder and fell asleep almost instantly. You have never done that. I eased you onto the bed after a few minutes and you stayed put. You didn't nurse all night and have not nursed since.

The next few days were full of illness, the harrowing kind with high fevers and severe congestion. You didn't even want me to comfort you. All you wanted was Daddy. I'll admit that that made me very sad. When you let me hold you, it was for snuggling and sleeping only. No nursies. You spent the better part of 4 nights in my arms while I lay awake listening to your labored breathing. After 3 doctor's visits, you are finally on the mend, but still not nursing.

Last night, you slept with Daddy all by yourself. I haven't slept all night without you next to me since before you were born, but I had only slept an average of 3 hours a night for 4 days and needed some rest. You didn't wake once and were just as pleased to cuddle with him. I never thought I'd see the day.

I had heard terrifying tales of night weaning, involving several nights of crying and fighting, but you did this all on your own. Just like everything you have done - rolling, crawling, walking - once you decide to do it, you just take off. I guess you decided that nursies were "ALL DONE!" (your favorite exclamation) and that you didn't need to look back. I'm still kind of in shock. Keep in mind that, until September when we day weaned you, you were the baby who never went more than 2-3 hours without your milkies. Ever. Never mind what the books and doctors said. At the beginning, we were nursing 12 out of 24 hours a day. Needless to say, we were experts. I thought you would be very tough to wean, since you were so hooked. As usual, you proved me wrong.

I'm very happy I was able to give you the best of what I had for so long. I'm also very sad that it ended before I knew what was happening. I know I've complained about your booby-monster ways, but I really cherished our special time together. You have just grown up so fast that I kind of liked that you were still a baby in that one way.

So, before I start weeping, here is a funny story that really shows just how done you are with this whole breastfeeding thing. The other morning, I was getting out of the shower. Sometimes, you like to come in and say hi to me (and your bath toys). As I wrapped up in my towel, you looked at me and signed "milk." I smiled. You then proceeded to pick up my bra from my pile of clean clothes and hand it to me, as if to say, "Geez, Mom. Put those things away, will ya?" I get it, Harry. "ALL DONE!"

Love,
Mama

Harry Joseph, Sixteen Months Old

Dear Harry,

This month has been a long one. Between Daddy's audition and gig schedule, you and Mommy have logged many hours alone, both at home and at work. This week, we get to return to normal, which is a huge relief.

You have done some exciting things this month. You have 3 new teeth and are working on a 4th. You started making some new sounds, including some that you haven't made in ages (read: "Mama"). You've had a big growth spurt which makes me think I should have bought more 24 month winter clothes than 18 month clothes. You have spent several hours with your new babysitter (while with me at work) and actually let me and Daddy have lunch out ALONE for the first time in nearly a year. Pretty cool.

You continue to LOVE music like crazy. We finally moved your cello downstairs so you could access it at any time. You like to play it throughout the day and it's funny how you pretend to rosin your bow and turn on your metronome before you start. Also, you like to take it into the kitchen, using the oven door as a mirror, just like in Daddy's practice room.

Speaking of the kitchen, that is your favorite room right now. We got you a new booster seat because I was sick of cleaning your highchair 3-4 times a day. You want to climb in it all by yourself, but you still need help. One thing you can do is climb on the kitchen table. We don't like that. Also, you love to pretend to cook. You have made up your own baby signs for "cooking" and "hot". If I give you a little pot with a few dry noodles and unopened spices, you are in hog heaven. I foresee a play kitchen in your near future.

You have exhibited a bit of a preview of what they call "the terrible twos" already. We have seen full-blown toddler tantrums from you lately. Arching your back and resisting the car seat and stroller. Screaming, crying and throwing things when you don't get your way. It's pretty impressive. I shudder to think how much more we are in for, but I've ordered the book "Raising Your Spirited Child" so we can be prepared.

The other exciting news is that you are going to be a big brother. We are very excited and terrified about becoming parents of two children. We think you will like having a sibling to play with, since you love other kids (that you aren't even related to!) and we didn't want you to be an only child. Considering some of the family dynamics on your Daddy's side of the family, we thought it best that you have a close ally and not be the only grandchild.

You and your brother or sister will be 22 months apart, which is close, but not too close. You will probably not remember this brief time of being an only child and you probably will not understand about the new baby for a long while. But I hope you know that it does not mean that Daddy and I will love you any less. When you add a new member to your family, your heart grows to make room for MORE love, instead of further dividing the love you already have. There is always room for more love. We never knew our hearts could hold so much love until you came. So, when your brother or sister comes, we will be ready this time. And we can't wait to see your heart open up to make room for more love.

Love,
Mama

Bottomless Pete

It's 8 PM on the East Coast. Since Harry woke up at 4 PM, he has eaten the following:

4 oz YoBaby Yogurt, Apple flavor
Roasted chicken, potatoes and green beans
1 Fig Newton
1.5 Raspberry popsicle
.25 cups baby oatmeal with whole milk
1.25 slices of enriched white toast with butter

I don't know what else we can give him tonight, but I think we had better start saving for when he is a teenager.

A Vote for Change

(Please note that I'm a life-long, bleeding-heart, liberal Democrat. I respect anyone who disagrees, but this is a personal essay.)

Two years ago on election day, the 2006 mid-term election, I woke up early. I was anxious about voting, even though Massachusetts is always reliably Democrat. I really wanted to see a change in the house and senate and have a Democratic majority so we could send a message to the White House. I was also anxious because it was the day I was supposed to take a pregnancy test. We had been trying for several months with no luck, so I was not optimistic. I certainly didn't feel pregnant.

I got up at 6:00 and decided to test first thing. When the second (positive) line came up, I was floored. Luckily, the test was part of a three pack. I took another. Also positive. I tiptoed back into the bedroom and climbed back into bed. Hubby was listening to NPR. I said to him, "The Democrats are going to take the house and the senate today. Do you know why?" He groggily asked why. I said, "Because I am pregnant." That certainly woke him up.

We went and voted and eagerly watched the returns that night giddy with both our secret, and the election results. The Democrats, indeed, took back the house and senate that day. Our Harry has gone with us to every election since then and election day, always a special day in our house, has taken on a new significance to us because of our memories of 2006.

Yesterday, election day 2008, was probably the most significant, historic election of our lives. So, we thought it was a fitting day to announce that we are expecting our second child. I'm about 13 weeks (3 months) pregnant with our second child, who is due on Mother's Day, 2009. We have always wanted two children, and this one will be just about two years younger than our Harry. We couldn't be more pleased. This will most likely be our last child, so we are trying to enjoy this special time.

With the election results clear this morning, I'm very hopeful about the world that this child will be born into. I hope both our children will grow to understand what these results mean for so many people. I hope they grow up into a world that no longer sees its leaders as black or white, male or female, but as qualified or unqualified. I hope they see that, with the results of this election, anything is possible if you believe in it and fight for it. They will learn about this election in school as they get older, and I will be proud to tell them that they were both there that day, bringing their own little changes to the world.